Just in Time for the Holidays...

I read this on a website today and found it quite thought-provoking. Now I just need to follow the advice given!

Creative Deprivation

"As a result of all this stuff and stimulation, kids regard overload as a normal condition. Anything less--a walk in the woods, making cookies, or sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher--is boring."

She used "creative deprivation" to raise her children saying that every event should have space around it, so that the event can stand out and be appreciated. A simple example is a frame around a picture, which provides a space to make it stand out from the busy wallpaper.

Until this century, the space occurred naturally. Entertainment and material goods were hard to come by, so they were appreciated when they came along. A child cherished his few toys, and music was a special event, because it could only be heard when musicians were assembled.

The challenge of modern life is that we have to actively create the space. With mass production, toys are cheap enough to swamp even poorer families. With TV, videotapes, and video games, flashy entertainment can come into every home 24 hours a day.

The best parents understand that their kids can have too much of a good thing. They place limitations on the stuff and stimulation. They are tough enough to slow down the flow of goodies.

Often, people think we refuse to a avalanche our kids with toys because we're tightwads. But saving money is not the main reason. I just feel there's nothing sadder than a jaded eight year old.

Conversely, it's delightful to see a kid thrilled by a simple pleasure.

During a rare trip to a mall a few years ago, each kid got a junior cone, which they consumed in complete silence, savoring every drip. She was very proud of their ability to enjoy these little treats.

Many parents, seeing their children appreciate junior cones, would buy them cones during each trip to the mall. Soon, seeing the kids enthusiasm waning, they would assume they must wow them with banana splits. When those no longer produce the desired effect, they would move up to the jumbo deluxe sundae..and so on, until the kids became impossible to please.

She feels that "diminished appreciation" is a barometer indicating when kids have had too much. Instead of moving up to the banana split, she simply decreased the frequency of the junior cones.

Saving is a natural by-product of creative deprivation. Not only did she save on the constant expense of the ever-increasing amount of stuff and stimulation, but when I do treat the kids, they get the same wow for far less money.

Creative deprivation does have a few rules. Limit the things kids don't need, but don't limit the things they do need--such as good nutrition and parenting attention. Second, provide them with alternatives. Our kids have their own "office" in my office where they do artwork, a tree house they can build on with scrap wood, a playhouse in an attic, and a selection of Legos and other toys that demand creativity. If you limit passive entertainment, kids eventually get beyond the boredom and begin to be creative.

Incidentally, this insight isn't new. About 2500 years ago, the Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu wrote:

Guard the senses
And life is ever full...
Always be busy
And life is beyond hope."

~Amy Dacyzyn
Originally published in the Tightwad Gazette