Saturday, January 07, 2006
Co-sleeping
I'm starting to think I may be nuts. I went to my adoption agency meeting this morning and we discussed many issues including co-sleeping. It seems that this comes up pretty often. I'm planning on co-sleeping with Eliza if I need to. Anyhow, it seems that many people are somewhat opposed to co-sleeping. Maybe I'm a hippy or something? My mom did co-sleeping with my youngest brother and he is a very well adjusted, independent child. Yes, I am single, but even if I were married, I think I would still co-sleep if my child needed it. It just doesn't seem like a big deal to me. If she's having trouble sleeping in her room then I'll try having her sleep in my room. Don't get me wrong, I NEED sleep, but I won't sleep if my baby is in the next room having a melt down. I'm all about doing whatever it takes to comfort a crying baby. To sum it up, I'm a fan of co-sleeping if that's what works. Anyway, what are you all planning on doing when you get home with your babies?
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18 comments:
ok, I can really get passoinate about this topic. My bio daughter co slept with me until about a month ago when she turned 7. Then on her own she moved into her own bed and ya know what? It was harder on me then her. I worry and have to check on her in the night and feel lonely in my big king size bed... am thinking about getting a dog! he he. I am totally for co- sleeping. IT is so sweet to have them snuggled right there and some of our best conversations have been in bed as we are drifting off to sleep. Good luck with your decision.
Tiffany, I didn't co-sleep with Cayanna the first three months or so that she was home, and she slept horribly! She woke up all the time crying, having bad dreams and night terrors. It wore on us both. I finally brought her in to sleep with me, and it worked like a charm. A year later, she still sleeps with me. I have no problems with it whatsoever. I don't really understand the opposition to it. Whatever works, I say!
Stacy
Cayanna
Annika
This is TOTALLY your choice. My 2-cents worth is that co-sleeping might make your child happy and make you cranky. So, the baby wakes up refreshed and happy. You wake up grumpy and tired. So, which is the better tradeoff? i.e. do you want a tired cranky child, but you are an awake and relaxed Mom? Or, vice versa?
I'm not trying to dissuade you. I'm just noting that choices of the "lesser of two evils" might have to be made.
And of course, your mileage will certainly vary.
Co-sleeping didn't work for us. Jasmine thrashed and kicked and hit and no one got any sleep. But, she needed to be touched at night or she freaked. So, in the end her crib went right by the bed with my arm between the bars touching her. That worked well, and we all got a good night's sleep.
So, basically - whatever works so that everyone gets sleep, well that is what is right for your family.
Jasmine will be sleeping in our bed tonight because she has a fever and her fever has a tendency to spike at night. I won't get much sleep tonight, but oh well, I'll know right away if her fever starts spiking, and that's the important thing.
As another soon to be single mom I plan on doing what's best for my baby. IF she sleeps well in her own room great if she needs to be with me so that we can both get a good nights sleep then that's what I plan to do.
We co-slept with both of our chiildren. It worked for us. I actually slept better with them in our bed. Take your cue from your daughter.
We just got home on Dec 22 and Amelia is in her own room. At first I had a twin bed in her room (I thought it would be harder for her to transition from our room to her room, so I never thought about letting her sleep in our room). After about 3 nights I couldn't get any sleep. So since I was used to just listening for her anyway I moved back into our room and just use the monitor. Amelia sleeps in her room without a problem. Now if she didn't, I would probably have put her in the pack and play in our room. I never thought of letting her sleep in the bed with us because I am scared to death she will fall off while I am asleep and crack her head open (I'm a bit of a worrier!).
Good luck with whatever choice you make. You are going to be the Momma and you get to say what goes. Do whatever YOU (and your baby) want. Good luck and I hope your referral gets here very very soon!
Tracy
Definitely see what works for you and your little one. I had no plans to co-sleep - total sleep deprivation changed that! My daughter has always slept in her own bed, but my husband or I frequently join her, especially when she's teething, sick, or having a tough night for no obvious reason. It's good for her, and good for us, we get way more sleep that way!
Mom's especially single moms need their own space... Being home with Eliza at first will be hard but breaking your child of the habit of sleeping with you is even harder. I have seen too many single moms who end up having to go to bed at the same time as their kiddos, and then having to cottle their little darlings into going to sleep.... Bedtime is the time that you need to be you when the little tike is in bed (alone). I know that this is not the "popular" answer you were looking for. Don't be hatin' its just something I feel strongly about.
Lisa
well, I definately agree that each family has to do what works for them. I'm not sure how this will play out for us. My husband is against co-sleeping--partly because we only have a queen sized bed and we fill it up pretty well. I HAVE to have sleep though, so I know I'll do whatever gets us all the most sleep. I've thought about putting a twin bed in her room and sleeping in there with her until she falls asleep--then back to my bed. we'll see!
I think you just have to do what feels right for you and develop a tough skin about the people who will tell you you're blowing it, because there will *always* be people on the other side of the issue, no matter what issue you're talking about.
For us, I'm such a crappy, horrible, awful, light sleeper that there's no question: no co-sleeping. I'd never get a wink of sleep, and you know the old saying "if momma's not happy, no one's happy"... Heh heh.
Ruby has never once slept in my bed, even when we were in China. Since the very first night together, my daughter has slept in her crib. As a nanny now for over 15 years I personally don't believe in that 'co-sleeping' stuff, no offense to those of you who do, but I've seen too many kids NEVER GROW OUT OF IT and parents who are desperate for some time to themselves. I knew way before I ever began this process that someday, when it was my turn to be a mother (be it via bio kids or adopted ones) that they would know from the get go that they had their place to sleep & Momma had hers. I have always used the '15 minute rule' when it comes to crying. If my child, or any child I've ever cared for for that matter, cries LONGER than 15 minutes, then I go in & get them. Anything under that is just their way of testing your resolve & finding out just exactly when your 'breaking point' is to rescue them. I stay strong & wait it out. It's not always easy but it's only 15 minutes & it's doable. Nine times out of ten, the child fell asleep within that 15 minute period & then they learn that 'crying for momma' isn't going to get the desired response they were looking for... thus, eventually the crying will be a non issue & the child will know that bed time means just that, bed time & they'll sleep IN THEIR OWN BEDS! =) That's my 2 cents of wisdom from years & years of experience raising many children through that phase of life. =)
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!
-Amy (& one very happy Ruby Cate who is currently playing with her Nonno and Nanna downstairs.) *smile*
Hmmmm...I haven't thought of that one yet. I let my kids crawl into bed with me if they have bad dreams. I will probably set the expectation that she will sleep in her crib, but like you said, if she's having a meltdown, I will do anything to be able to get some shut-eye for the BOTH of us!!
I'm with you on the co-sleeping thing, but somewhat modified. I hope that she will sleep in her crib but I have a full size bed in her room too. I am hoping that maybe I can just sleep with her in her room until she gets comfortable. I have even thought that I can adjust the bed so that it is up against the crib. So, that's what I am thinking now. We will see! Best of luck!
Read the book healthy sleep habits, happy child. Thats what my pediatrician recomended to me when I asked the same question.
Ruby Cate: I am with you. If a child doesn't even know they can sleep with mom and dad--why even start it?? Sometimes parents get in the way of many things that could be so easy- :) I think it would make me exhausted to sleep with my child. I know I would be up all night long making sure I didn't roll over her or something.
I agree - & felt the same way before bringing Mali home. She's snoozing in my bed right now. She had no problems sleeping in her crib at the White Swan but she despises it here (even though it's right next to my bed). I have no idea why. Even if she falls asleep in my lap & I attempt to transfer her into the crib - she cracks her eyes to peek & SCREAMS if I attempt to place her into her crib. She rests in my bed happily with no issue & doesn't wiggle around. Works for me. Things have been way too traumatic for her lately for me to make things worse - for her or myself! Sleep is precious these days.
Tiffany,
I was at that same meeting and I am the one that said to let them scream. After we left my husband said I was making myself out to be a monster, which by the way he said that I wasn't and he said that I was a very attentive mother.
I would just like to clarify my point. I have seen too many people that have co-slept and not had it work out, not to mention that it is hard to sleep with your little one in the same bed and I do not do well with no sleep. The point that I was trying to make was that when you have done all that you can do then try to let them cry it out. Let them cry a little longer each time after consouling them. Unless something is seriously wrong they will be able to work it out, but if you are going in there constantly every 5 min or so then they will always rely on you for comfort. Isn't it a good thing that a child is able to resolve some feelings/issues on their own?
I say to anyone seeking advise on this or anything else is to do what you feel is best and what you think you will be able to handle in your life. What any baby needs most in this world is unconditional love and if they feel this then they will be ok whether they are sleeping with mom or by themselves. As for me, if I am lacking in sleep I am a cranky momma, so in my situation I try very hard to get my kids to be able to sleep on their own.
By the way my husband said that she didn't cry for that long without anyone going in and checking on her. Apparently he went in to her room a couple of times, he said he figured that if she could only get him and not her mom then she would stop crying and go to sleep!
Whatever you decide it will be what is best for you. I know that you will love this baby beyond measure and it really doesn't matter where you sleep in the big scheme of thins.
Good Luck!!
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