A family using my agency is China right now. Their post today was an interesting one. I wasn't expecting to feel so emotional. As it turns out the foster family that took care of their baby came to the hotel they were staying at. The foster family loved this baby so much and they wanted to meet the new family and give them a photo and some other things for the baby. They made a very long and probably very expensive trip to the hotel where the adoptive family was staying in hopes of finding them.
I have really mixed feelings right now. I really feel the loss that this foster family must have (and the baby). I don't want my baby to have a foster family. I know that probably sounds strange and maybe selfish and maybe it is? I want a child who needs a family, not one who has one in China. I know a foster family isn't a forever family, but it's also not an orphanage. Can the babies with foster families stay with them for long periods of time or do they eventually end up back at the orphanages? I don't know? On the other hand, this family is so fortunate that their daughter was loved so much by another family. They are so lucky that they got to meet them and that they have some information about the beginning of her life. They could possibly keep contact with them? All I know is that reading their journal today made me cry. So many people love these babies and I will be the fortunate one that gets to have Eliza forever. Doesn't seem fair. What did I ever do to deserve this blessing? Nothing really. I just happened to be born in a free country where I have many, many choices and countless opportunities. I will be forever thankful. God bless this family and all the families who have felt loss because of their circumstances.
- Eliza2006
- I have hoped to be a mother for as long as I can remember. My daughter was placed in my arms on November 12, 2006 in Hohhot, China. Then, a little over 2 years later, right in my own state, my darling baby boy was placed in my arms. Dreams really do come true!!!
6 comments:
Beautifully said Tiffany.
This touched me also.... We truely are blessed to live in the freedom that we do.... Like you, I am unsure how I feel about taking such a loved baby away from a foster family.... this is a real puzzle...
Lisa
I am a former foster child, and current child advocate... I also represent the Ohio Chapter of FCAA (Foster Care Alumni of America).
What every child needs and deserves is permanency. As long as the placement is "foster," it can only be a temporary one.
That means that a foster child's ties to that family can be broken. The commitment level is not 100%. The agency can send them elsewhere, at any time, without the foster parents' consent.
That child basically in limbo, out on a limb.
Ideally, custodial decisions should be made quickly. According to the 1997 Adoption and Safe Families Act, the decision of whether or not to sever (biological) parental custody should be made within the first year, allowing for one 12-month extension.
However, each state interprets that ruling in their own way. Thus, children in foster care in America languish.
Look at your spouse. Would you want him or her to be here today, but able to be removed (without warning) at any time? Without your control?
An adoptive family is best. If the foster family wants to adopt, they should pursue that option. Too often, children go through five to ten to twenty to thirty foster placements.
Too many US children age out of foster care without ever being linked to a permanent home.
For more information about foster care, please see my blog at:
http://sunshinegirlonarainyday.blogspot.com/
Or my web site at: www.sunshinegirlonarainyday.com
Or email me at lisa@miss-lisa.copm
I guess having had a child from the SWI-system, I see the other side. Our daughter was very emotionally/socially delayed from having had minimal interaction (HUGE SWI). Another family with a daughter from the same SWI also recently adopted a child who had been in foster care. The differences are amazing. They didn't have to teach him to hug, kiss, enjoy the rocking chair, etc. He has attached so well (grieved very hard at first). I have to say, knowing our daughter is still in foster care (for the past sixteen mos.) has been such a comfort to me. She has an Ayi who loves her, comes when she cries, fills her tummy, helps her go potty, and is just THERE. I hear the transition on Gotcha may be more dramatic--but she will have learned to bond. I know it will be hard/sad for the foster family on Gotcha, but our daughter has been blessed to be shown how to love and be loved. Many (most) orphans in China have not been.
Wow... I know how you feel... there are pros and cons to both foster life and orphanage life....
IF in a foster home.. most likely Gracie will know what it feels like to be comforted and loved... while taken care of best as can be, it's not the same kind of attention in an orphanage... another pro, Gracie will most likely be more developed.
But you are right.... will she grieve harder and longer if she was in a foster home? In an orphanage she won't be as timid and will eat up the attention... but how well will she adapt to being alone (in her room without a ton of other children around her at any given time) and what will her developement look like? It also seems like she will bond with us much quicker...
I guess we will wait and see .... that's all we can do. : )
Regardless... either foster or orphanage.... I guarantee that Gracie will be loved and cherrished unlike anything she has ever known! Just like Eliza will be!
Lisa :)
I'm still unsure if my daughter, Kate, has been in a Foster situation. I believe she is in a SWI now, but most children do spend time in a FF in her province.
I do have one strong belief. If she bonds with the foster family, she's capable of bonding with me. Loving is taught just like learning not to is.
the truth is, we receive our daughters as they are. It's our job to help them with the issues of their life and share the joys. Mommy Sherpa....
It's good we all think of these things.
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